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Other than Minnie Mouse, I was the last one anybody expected to get breast cancer. I was the woman who did everything right: worked out at the gym five to six days a week, rarely ate fast foods, mostly chicken and vegetables, was a perfect size eight, drank in moderation, got my yearly mammograms, and more often than not, did my monthly self breast exams in the shower. It was during one of those monthly, soapy tours that I found the lump: Christmas Eve morning, 2003. With 14 people coming for Christmas Eve dinner, I tabled it in the back of my mind until the next day when I performed a slower, more detailed inspection. Both breasts were dense and usually contained several fibro cystic lumps, but my little voice said this one was different. <PREVIEWEND>
My 2004 New Year began with a mammogram. The doctors said everything was fine. Just one of my usual cysts that came and went. Nothing to worry about… but I did, at every opportunity. I looked for it in the shower, laying down, bending over, at the computer, through the silk robe I sometimes wore while putting on my makeup. The maddening thing about all of my searches was, more often than not, they turned into a game of hide and seek. Yep! I feel it! Oops… Now where did it go? While my pursuits couldn’t be classified as a hobby, I spent much of the next six months obsessed with trying to find “it.” All the while, my little voice told me all was not well with my breast.
In July 2004, I scheduled another mammogram. When my doctor called and said nothing’s changed, it’s fibro cystic, I told him I didn’t care what the mammograms said. I wanted it out. Three days later, my husband and my wife-in-law (James’s former wife) Joy, and I all trooped to the hospital. Joy and I even joked with the woman at the admitting desk about the surgeries from Hell you hear about on the news where the wrong leg is amputated. We laughed as I marked an “X” on my breast with a ballpoint pin to make sure the correct breast was biopsied.
The next thing I remember, James, Joy and my doctor were standing beside my bed. “It’s breast cancer,” my doctor said. I was still semi-stupefied from the anesthesia, and James and Joy stood expressionless, frozen in time like familiar figures in a wax museum. My doctor had a concerned expression as he gave me the news. “I told her it was fibro cystic,” he’d told his assistants in the operating room. Then he cut out the cyst, and there “it” was… hiding underneath. I’ve never asked Joy, but I now wonder whether her little voice told her she needed to be there for James: to help him pull himself together before they told me.
Fast-forward to September 2008, a checkup with my oncologist. “Go live your life,” he said. “I think you’re going to do great,” to which I responded, “Do you think I need one of those tests to see if I carry the breast cancer gene?” Since I had no family history of breast or ovarian cancer, his answer was no. And so I went home, and like a dog with a bone, I couldn’t leg it go. My little voice told me I needed a BRAC Analysis test, a simple blood test to determine if I carried a gene mutation that would increase my risk of developing breast cancer in the other breast.
The day I went for the test results, I asked James to come with me, because I knew the results before they told me. Sure enough. I was BRCA2 positive, which meant my odds of getting breast cancer in the other breast were something like 84%. Unlike my diagnosis of breast cancer, this news did not scare either one of us. James and I looked at each other and in unison said, “This is a no-brainer!” And so, I had the other breast removed, and thank you, God, we were able to beat breast cancer to the punch.
I believe we all have an inner voice. Some of us are more in tune with it than others, but whether you call it intuition, gut instinct, or the voice of God, it’s there if you know how to be still and listen. My voice is there as surely as I know the sun rises and sets each day. Are you in tune with your little voice? How much time do you spend in silence, each day? No radio, no TV, no iPod tethered to your ears. How do you expect to hear it if you’re not listening?
“Be still and know that I am God.”
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Previous Comments
Luann commented on 30-Aug-2010 06:34 PM Wow Brenda, that is a great story! I have followed the "inner voice" throughout my treatment. I believe God really does show us if we will just listen. Thanks for sharing!
Kathy commented on 31-Aug-2010 06:01 PM Hey sister... I just read your blog. I'm glad you listened to your little voice! I try to always listen to mine too! I enjoyed reading your blog. Good work!
Susan Hancock commented on 31-Aug-2010 06:29 PM Brenda,
I was told by two of my doctors (GYN and breast surgeon) that I was the poster child for breast cancer. Much like your story, I found a lump in my right breast one evening and my crying woke my husband so we both ended up crying together until dawn peeked through the windows. The short version of my story is that the discovery sent my to the GYN who then found fibroid tumors in one ovary and he sent me to a specialist to discuss the breast tumor. Hmm, after four doctors said 'don't worry it's not cancer', I was blessed with the GYN saying, "Let's take a biopsy on the breast while we have you under for the fibroid tumor surgery".
I had the type of breast cancer that the lab diagnosed as "8 doctors said it wasn't cancer but one said it would have turned to a cancerous tumor soon". In-between that breast surgery and the one that happened on the left breast 10 years later (receiving the same diagnosis as the first one) I found my true voice. The message to everyone who confides in me, whether it's cocktail conversation or on a stage and audience, is to 'Tell your doctor that you want any and all lumps removed PERIOD'. And from these conversations I know of at least one life that has been saved from a rare fast-growing form of breast cancer. She also had the same response that so many women receive from their doctors - "Don't worry, it's not cancer.
.Thank you for your empowerment!
Cancer free for 23 and 13 years respectively,
Susan
P.S. The South was pretty much a stronghold against lumpectomies back then, so my surgeon was another miracle of time and place
I was told by two of my doctors (GYN and breast surgeon) that I was the poster child for breast cancer. Much like your story, I found a lump in my right breast one evening and my crying woke my husband so we both ended up crying together until dawn peeked through the windows. The short version of my story is that the discovery sent my to the GYN who then found fibroid tumors in one ovary and he sent me to a specialist to discuss the breast tumor. Hmm, after four doctors said 'don't worry it's not cancer', I was blessed with the GYN saying, "Let's take a biopsy on the breast while we have you under for the fibroid tumor surgery".
I had the type of breast cancer that the lab diagnosed as "8 doctors said it wasn't cancer but one said it would have turned to a cancerous tumor soon". In-between that breast surgery and the one that happened on the left breast 10 years later (receiving the same diagnosis as the first one) I found my true voice. The message to everyone who confides in me, whether it's cocktail conversation or on a stage and audience, is to 'Tell your doctor that you want any and all lumps removed PERIOD'. And from these conversations I know of at least one life that has been saved from a rare fast-growing form of breast cancer. She also had the same response that so many women receive from their doctors - "Don't worry, it's not cancer.
.Thank you for your empowerment!
Cancer free for 23 and 13 years respectively,
Susan
P.S. The South was pretty much a stronghold against lumpectomies back then, so my surgeon was another miracle of time and place
Ruth commented on 31-Aug-2010 06:35 PM Hello girlfriend: Saw your great picture this AM in the Express News. Looking good. How are you doing? Me, I'm coming along just fine. Some days good, others not so good. Just wanted to say hi and that I think of you and your blog is certainly informative and that I look foward to reading it.
Tell James hi.
Love, Ruth
Tell James hi.
Love, Ruth
Diana commented on 02-Sep-2010 05:30 PM Sometimes I feel like I'm waiting on the edge... especially jumpy because my mom had breast cancer and died from it, and other close relatives have had cancers. But so far, the Lord has kept me free. And thank the Lord I haven't found anything myself either. But I still worry, you know? It's always in my mind... always something that I think about.
Praise God you listened to that voice and took heed. Praise God you were able to get the help you needed. Praise God you are here to share your story so others can listen to your voice! ♥
Praise God you listened to that voice and took heed. Praise God you were able to get the help you needed. Praise God you are here to share your story so others can listen to your voice! ♥
Edie commented on 03-Sep-2010 05:05 PM I ENJOY YOUR BLOG....THEY ARE SO SPECIAL TO WE WHO HAVE BEEN THERE...JUST RETURNED FROM ALASKA CRUISE AND HAD
MUCH FOOD FOR THOUGHT IN THE BLOGS WAITING ON THE P.S.
SENDING MY LOVE, AS ALWAYS,
edie
MUCH FOOD FOR THOUGHT IN THE BLOGS WAITING ON THE P.S.
SENDING MY LOVE, AS ALWAYS,
edie
Ann Fry commented on 03-Sep-2010 05:25 PM Brenda,
Loved this one .... rang so true.
If you want me to write a blog entry, please let me know.
I blogged my way all the way through my breast cancer "adventure" (as I call it). Similar to you .... it came out of the blue, wasn't diagnosed well at first, etc.
We are all here to inspire.
Sincerely,
ann
Loved this one .... rang so true.
If you want me to write a blog entry, please let me know.
I blogged my way all the way through my breast cancer "adventure" (as I call it). Similar to you .... it came out of the blue, wasn't diagnosed well at first, etc.
We are all here to inspire.
Sincerely,
ann
Ask The Doctor commented on 05-Sep-2010 03:05 AM Wow what an amazing story brenda!
Def following ur blog.
Def following ur blog.
Cheryl Radford commented on 05-Sep-2010 03:19 AM Brenda I applaud you!
I listen to my inner voice, secure in the knowledge that He lives in me. 'Be still and know that I am God' is a perfect way to come to the end of this entry.
Interestingly, I have just led a friend of mine to the site of a fellow blogger. The latest entry is on the very subject of the BRCA 1 and 2 genes http://breastcancerfightnowbydraarontabor.blogspot.com/
I will be following right along with you on your journey.
Love and prayers
I listen to my inner voice, secure in the knowledge that He lives in me. 'Be still and know that I am God' is a perfect way to come to the end of this entry.
Interestingly, I have just led a friend of mine to the site of a fellow blogger. The latest entry is on the very subject of the BRCA 1 and 2 genes http://breastcancerfightnowbydraarontabor.blogspot.com/
I will be following right along with you on your journey.
Love and prayers
Lauren commented on 08-Sep-2010 01:02 PM What a powerful story. There is something to be said about being in tune with your inner voice. One trick I learned from the Cancer Support Community is to practice yoga- its extremely helpful at clearing your mind and focusing in on your body and soul.
Ann Fry commented on 19-Sep-2010 09:33 PM Brenda,
Loved this one .... rang so true.
If you want me to write a blog entry, please let me know.
I blogged my way all the way through my breast cancer "adventure" (as I call it). Similar to you .... it came out of the blue, wasn't diagnosed well at first, etc.
We are all here to inspire.
Sincerely,
ann
Loved this one .... rang so true.
If you want me to write a blog entry, please let me know.
I blogged my way all the way through my breast cancer "adventure" (as I call it). Similar to you .... it came out of the blue, wasn't diagnosed well at first, etc.
We are all here to inspire.
Sincerely,
ann
Pat Hart McM commented on 19-Sep-2010 09:34 PM Brenda,
Good going on the article in SA Express-news today!
best,
Pat
Good going on the article in SA Express-news today!
best,
Pat
Susan Hancock commented on 19-Sep-2010 09:36 PM Brenda,
I was told by two of my doctors (GYN and breast surgeon) that I was the poster child for breast cancer. Much like your story, I found a lump in my right breast one evening and my crying woke my husband so we both ended up crying together until dawn peeked through the windows. The short version of my story is that the discovery sent my to the GYN who then found fibroid tumors in one ovary and he sent me to a specialist to discuss the breast tumor. Hmm, after four doctors said 'don't worry it's not cancer', I was blessed with the GYN saying, "Let's take a biopsy on the breast while we have you under for the fibroid tumor surgery".
I had the type of breast cancer that the lab diagnosed as "8 doctors said it wasn't cancer but one said it would have turned to a cancerous tumor soon". In-between that breast surgery and the one that happened on the left breast 10 years later (receiving the same diagnosis as the first one) I found my true voice.
The message to everyone who confides in me, whether it's cocktail conversation or on a stage and audience, is to 'Tell your doctor that you want any and all lumps removed PERIOD'. And from these conversations I know of at least one life that has been saved from a rare fast-growing form of breast cancer. She also had the same response that so many women receive from their doctors - "Don't worry, it's not cancer.
.hank you for your empowerment!
Cancer free for 23 and 13 years respectively,
Susan
P.S. The South was pretty much a stronghold against lumpectomies back then, so my surgeon was another miracle of time and place
I was told by two of my doctors (GYN and breast surgeon) that I was the poster child for breast cancer. Much like your story, I found a lump in my right breast one evening and my crying woke my husband so we both ended up crying together until dawn peeked through the windows. The short version of my story is that the discovery sent my to the GYN who then found fibroid tumors in one ovary and he sent me to a specialist to discuss the breast tumor. Hmm, after four doctors said 'don't worry it's not cancer', I was blessed with the GYN saying, "Let's take a biopsy on the breast while we have you under for the fibroid tumor surgery".
I had the type of breast cancer that the lab diagnosed as "8 doctors said it wasn't cancer but one said it would have turned to a cancerous tumor soon". In-between that breast surgery and the one that happened on the left breast 10 years later (receiving the same diagnosis as the first one) I found my true voice.
The message to everyone who confides in me, whether it's cocktail conversation or on a stage and audience, is to 'Tell your doctor that you want any and all lumps removed PERIOD'. And from these conversations I know of at least one life that has been saved from a rare fast-growing form of breast cancer. She also had the same response that so many women receive from their doctors - "Don't worry, it's not cancer.
.hank you for your empowerment!
Cancer free for 23 and 13 years respectively,
Susan
P.S. The South was pretty much a stronghold against lumpectomies back then, so my surgeon was another miracle of time and place
Marguerite Bliga commented on 19-Sep-2010 09:38 PM I am a 54 year old women scheduled for a bi-lateral mastectomy on Sept 15, 2010. I had a recent diagnosis of DCIS in my right breast and previous diagnosis of LCIS in 1998!..I would like to know if you have information on some things that I may need to help with my recovery... I understand the first few post-op days are difficult after surgery...any suggestions/advice will be greatly appreciated.... thanks so much!!!!
Brenda Coffee commented on 19-Sep-2010 09:40 PM Marguerite,
I will email you off line. My best wishes for a great surgery & a quick recovery.
XOXOXO,
Brenda
I will email you off line. My best wishes for a great surgery & a quick recovery.
XOXOXO,
Brenda
Tamara commented on 20-Sep-2010 09:54 PM Brenda,
As a colonrectal cancer survivor, I was so glad to read your story. That little voice applies to us all and reminding us to take the time to actually listen to our inner voice is life saving advice.
Although I couldn't actually feel my tumor, I was keenly aware of changes in my body and knew something wasn't right. That feeling got me into my GYN's office, who found my tumor during that office visit. I was lucky it was only Stage 2 and like you, I am blessed to have been given a second chance to life my life.
After two misdiagnoses, I hope you got rid of that physician.
Tamara
As a colonrectal cancer survivor, I was so glad to read your story. That little voice applies to us all and reminding us to take the time to actually listen to our inner voice is life saving advice.
Although I couldn't actually feel my tumor, I was keenly aware of changes in my body and knew something wasn't right. That feeling got me into my GYN's office, who found my tumor during that office visit. I was lucky it was only Stage 2 and like you, I am blessed to have been given a second chance to life my life.
After two misdiagnoses, I hope you got rid of that physician.
Tamara
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Thanks so much for sharing your promptings and encouraging us to listen to our "inner voices." Blessings on your week, Kim