Brenda's Blog: A Guide to Surviving Breast Cancer

How to Survive Breast Cancer Treatment

Monday, December 28, 2009

©Brenda Coffee. All rights reserved.

The best gift I got for Christmas was a famous chef’s secret recipe for crab cakes. Whenever I am in that part of the country I visit his restaurant and order crab cakes, and if he’s there, try every trick in the book to get him to share his recipe. Recently my friend Joan, who is a regular and has a lot more influence than I do, managed to get it for me.

The "secret" recipe was hand written on a small card and wrapped inside a dish towel with a run-of-the-mill crab cake recipe printed on the front. I was so excited you would have thought she had given me the secret to the universe or the cure for cancer. Funny how a small thing like a recipe can feel like such a big deal.

Joan's gift made me want to give a gift to each of you—the gift of survivorship—a recipe that helped me get through breast cancer treatment. It includes ingredients even the best doctors sometimes fail to mention to their patients. Label this Brenda’s recipe for “How to Survive Breast Cancer Treatment.” <PREVIEWEND>

• One heaping dose of faith
• Combine with a second opinion if desired.
• Look into getting BRCA1 and BRCA2 genetic test. Add results to existing mix.
• Take written list of questions to every doctor’s appointment. Write/record all answers, or take someone who will do that for you. Keep asking until you understand. Allow to settle until more questions form. Repeat and repeat until treatment is over… and beyond.
• Fill all prescriptions with the same pharmacy. When ready to take medications, write down time taken and time next ones are due.
• Eat lightly after each chemo. Take anti-nausea meds even if not needed.
• Remove white flour, rice, pasta, sugar, soft drinks and alcohol. Replace with whole grains, fresh fruits, veges, 1000 IU Vitamin D and drink lots of water.
• Reduce fear and worry to manageable. Find a support group. Go often.
• Stop cutting cuticles, flossing teeth, brush teeth gently, and stay out of crowds until chemo is over. Add laxatives for 3 or 4 days immediately after each chemo. Add eye drops and moisturizer when needed. If skin or gums break, disinfect immediately.
• Check temperature often. If over 100.5 degrees, have problem breathing, frequency or burning when urinating, bleeding or bruising, call your doctor.
• Slather generously with paraben free sunblock, then sit in sun daily for 15 minutes.
• Add generous helping of sense of humor to chemo brain. Top with no energy.
• Listen to your “little voice.”
• Season liberally with meditation and/or hypnosis. Add a generous portion of daily exercise.
• Meanwhile, do not make major decisions until treatment is done.
• Give yourself enough time to recover, and do not overdo.
• Sprinkle with more faith and be grateful for the rest of your life.

Serve with love, courage, patience, determination and all God's blessings.

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Breast Cancer's Dirty Little Secret

Monday, December 21, 2009

©Survivorship Media Network, LLC. All rights reserved.

Did you know that almost twenty-five percent of husbands leave their wives after they are diagnosed with breast cancer? Statistics say many of those marriages are in trouble to begin with, although when roles are reversed, only three percent of women leave their husbands. It makes me wonder what part of “in sickness and in health” do men not remember?

I know of a man who left his wife after her diagnosis. Not only did he abandon her, he left their 10-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter to become their mother’s primary caregivers. What kind of man does that? What kind of message is he sending his son? Another breast cancer husband I know was so unsympathetic during his wife’s chemotherapy he actually told her to take an aspirin and “snap out of it.” <PREVIEWEND>

OK, so most men were not raised to be caregivers, or they want their wives, girlfriends and mothers to take care of them. In addition they may be afraid of acknowledging their mortality and yours, and they may be afraid of how breast cancer will affect their sex lives. Notice I said “their” sex lives.

Most little boys dream of becoming heroes: men who pull people from burning buildings or save a buddy in a war zone. For most of us heroes are ordinary people who step-up in times of crisis and do what is right for their family. As breast cancer caregivers, men do not have to wade through smoke and fire or dodge enemy bullets. This is, however, an opportunity for them to become a hero; to help not just a stranger in need, but the one person they have pledged before God to be responsible for until death do them part—their wife.

Men… you want to be a hero? Then realize this is not about you. It is about getting your wife and family through this crisis with love, support and optimism. If they cannot rely on you who can? Do not become one of those statistics who leaves their wife and thinks they can find another woman and become her hero because you cannot. It is not in you. And if it sounds like I am being hard on some of you… get over it.

I believe most husbands are good at showing and telling their wives how special they are; how much they are appreciated and loved. Caring for her while she has breast cancer is a chance to show your love in ways she and your family will never forget. You are the intangible support that boosts her immune system, gives her hope and helps her make it from one day to the next. In some cases you may make the literal difference between life and death.

No one is saying this will be easy, but you will have given your family and those around you a role model they will respect and carry with them forever. Your towering legacy of strength, whether you feel strong or not, will show them how to cope with other tough times they will surely face. You will be a hero. An angel without wings.

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James is My Rock

Monday, December 14, 2009

©Brenda Coffee. All rights reserved.

Sometimes I need someone to talk me in off the ledge. You know, those situations where you are convinced a simple medical procedure will turn up something fatal. At my house we call that something "elbow cancer." That’s when I ignore all known and relevant information and choose to believe an ingrown toenail is proof I have elbow cancer. <PREVIEWEND>

I can get so far down that road I begin to think about possible candidates to be James’s next wife, or that we shouldn’t build a new house because if I “go” before James, he would rather live on the ranch in the Little House as opposed to living there in a big new house with the Little House as the guest casita, because if he were there alone, he would rather live in the Little House but instead would sell the whole thing and start over somewhere else with something smaller. Did I lose you? This is an example of needing someone to talk me in off the ledge and help me see things from a different perspective. By the way, I only do this when it comes to my own health issues. Tell me Mars is on a collision course with Earth or the new girl in marketing promised to deliver 1,000 widgets a month when we can only produce 100, and I will calmly assimilate the data and find a way to fix it.

All of us can get so personally involved that for whatever reason, we can’t find our way out of the maze and need to have someone point it out. For me that person is James. He helps me reconnect the dots and get back on track and for him that person is me. While we are quite capable of being captains of our own ships, we are not afraid to step aside and let the other take the wheel when we need a hand.

Successful people are frequently successful because they see things the way they are, not the way they would like them to be, or the way they used to be, but the way things really are. Successful people then base their decisions on that reality, not the one hanging off the ledge. When I don’t have elbow cancer, I like to think I am a successful glass half full person who knows how to look at the big picture.

In other words sometimes you’re the bug and sometimes you’re the windshield. Today you may be the one who needs to be rescued from the ledge, and the next day you may be the rescuer.

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Ramborella

Monday, December 07, 2009

Ramborella™ Brenda Coffee. All rights reserved.

Twenty years ago a friend designed a great startup screen for my computer. He brandished “Ramborella” across a hot pink background like something out of a female version of Indiana Jones. When I asked him what it meant, he said I was part Rambo and part Barbarella—adventurous and sexy—a nod to my days as the first journalist to drive and fire the Army’s M-1 tank, land on an aircraft carrier, descend in a nuclear submarine and nearly succumb as one of the “desaparecidos,” the thousands who went missing every year at the hands of the Honduran military commandos. Although I no longer look like Barbarella, I am still Ramborella at heart. Except now I am a breast cancer survivor, and as a survivor my mission is to keep on living and to lead the charge. Like me, each one of you is Ramborella, breast cancer warrior. <PREVIEWEND>

While cameras and computers are still the tools of my trade, my interests have changed. Instead of sleek metal and rivets, I focus on plenty of sleep, whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, a low-fat diet, light on the red meat, alcohol and sugar, plus plenty of Vitamin D, estrogen-blockers and exercise. The biggest guns in my war against breast cancer are my faith in God, a loving husband, a sense of humor and steely determination.

Like me, your mission is to keep on living, so let’s make a pact, you and I: Whenever we are tempted to hole up like a big old bear and do nothing but eat Oreos and ice cream and forgo that brisk walk, let’s remember Rambo did not survive by taking the easy way out. He fought until he was drained of strength, then got up and charged again. Perhaps Ramborella survived the jungles of Honduras to stand tall in this fight against breast cancer.

Emily Dickinson said “That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.” Seize it with both hands. Whether you know it or not, you are empowered with an innate strength and courage. You have lives to lead, children to nurture, husbands to love and sunsets to watch. Gather your courage Ramborella and charge, charge again.

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Cinco Vidas

Debbie's Cancer Blog

Divine Caroline

Journeying Beyond Breast Cancer

Rear Window

How to Survive Breast Cancer Treatment

Breast Cancer's Dirty Little Secret

James is My Rock

Ramborella

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