Sunday, January 31, 2010

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One of my mother’s favorite things to say is, “You have no idea what it’s like to get older.” I’m always amazed at how she manages to say this with a straight face, ignoring she gave birth to me when Howdy Doody was at the peak of his career, or that it won’t be long before I qualify for Senior discounts, thereby calling further attention to the fact that I do know what it’s like to get older.

“Wait until you go into a room and can’t remember why you went there in the first place,” she continues, “and your knees hurt when you get out of a chair and you start loosing your hair.”

“Been there done that,” I want to say. “Side effects of chemotherapy,” but since mother has dementia and looks puzzled when I mention having had breast cancer, I let my comments go unspoken. The worst thing is that all of mother’s harbingers of aging still apply to me even though my last chemotherapy ended five years ago! Actually the worst thing is that I’m losing my hair, yet again, and I’m not alone.

Many women have problems with thinning hair. Other than taking chemotherapy, possible causes could be thyroid problems or maybe those women are post menopausal. Perhaps they are breast cancer survivors who are taking Aromatase inhibitors to stop their production of estrogen and keep cancer at bay. The latter case applies to me and I feel like everyone, including the plumber, has discovered my condition.

A few weeks ago he pulled something out of our shower drain that looked like a limp, wet rat. “Wow,” said the plumber. “Looks like you’re loosing your hair.”

Thanks for the reminder, pal. Perhaps I should look into getting a wig or do you think anyone would find it strange if I started wearing hats… or is that a woodchuck?



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Sunday, January 24, 2010

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So far on my breast cancer journey I’ve had nine surgeries, eight rounds of chemo, three ‘let’s check this out’ procedures accompanied by anesthesia and at least three ‘let’s check this out’ procedures without anesthesia. The last with anesthesia was an endoscopic tour of my pancreas. This was a precautionary measure because I carry the BRCA2 gene. That means in addition to an increased risk of breast and ovarian cancer, I have a higher than average risk for melanoma and pancreatic cancer.

Do you know what an endoscopic excursion involves? Just as they’re about to administer the anesthesia, they ask you to swallow a garden hose with a light, a camera and a scalpel attached. We’re having some fun now!

Mind you, I’m not complaining. This isn’t one of those “Oh, they’re spending my money, running all these tests,” because as my wonderful physician Dr. Jim Martin says, “We’re going to watch you like a hawk from here on out.” That’s fine with me but after my recent breast surgery number nine to keep my new implant where it’s supposed to be, by stitching a sling—out of cadaver skin to my ribs—for the implant to rest in, I am beginning to feel like a lab rat.

Why did they do that, you ask? Because my five-month-old silicone gel implant dropped halfway between where it should have been and my navel. I must say it was an unusual site, ranking up there with the bearded lady in the circus, and rare enough to make my plastic surgeon do a double, no a triple take and ask if I jumped rope or tap-danced as a hobby.

Most days I do pretty well relinquishing control of all of this to God, although there are days I greedily snatch it back and act like I am not running through this crazy maze for nothing! For the most part God has made my fears disappear and for that, I am humbled and grateful.

However, if I may say so, instead of breast cancer surgery Number Nine, I would much rather have had Love Potion Number Nine. “I held my nose, I closed my eyes… I took a drink.” Come to think of it, I’ve done that already.




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Monday, January 18, 2010


As we age many women gain weight due to our high fat, oversized portions, preservative laden, lack of exercise, menopausal American lifestyle. As a result, excess weight around a woman’s waist often results in excess estrogen in the body. If you’re like me and are “of a certain age” and your breast cancer was estrogen positive, this is not good news because estrogen fuels your cancer. Therefore we need to keep our weight down and avoid products and foods that contain estrogen or convert to estrogen-like compounds in our bodies.

Other than hormone replacement therapy, one of the biggest sources of estrogen is soy. I know we’ve all heard soy is a breast cancer inhibitor, but this is a complex issue and one that is fraught with controversy. Regardless, once you have been diagnosed with estrogen positive breast cancer, soy is at the top of the list of things you want to avoid. Stay away from products high in soy as well as estrogen-like substances called isoflavones, pesticides and herbicides in fruits and vegetables, hormones in meat and dairy products, plus canola, corn and safflower oils. Body and skin care products containing soy and parabens, which convert to estrogen in the body, should also be avoided but that is a topic we will save for another day. Estrogen, soy and parabens... Talk about a can of worms! So what do we do? What do we eat?

If you’ve been diagnosed with estrogen positive breast cancer and/or are menopausal, and without notice turn into the werewolf from Waxahachie, the plot thickens. To keep my breast cancer from recurring, my doctor wants me to avoid all forms of estrogen including estrogen creams, patches and foods containing estrogen, plus I am taking Arimidex, which keeps my body from making estrogen in the first place. I’m told if you stand too close to me you can actually hear the estrogen being sucked out of my body or… maybe that’s the heart palpitations… due to my lack of estrogen. You may ask "what about bioidentical hormones?" which again, we will save for another day. Either way, girlfriends, I hear your pain.

There is however some good news about what we can do to reduce excess estrogen. My friend, Lisa Powell, Director of Nutrition at the fabulous Canyon Ranch resort and spa in Tucson, Arizona, is not just an expert on integrative nutrition as well as preventive and wellness nutrition, but she is a breast cancer survivor. A couple of years ago I had the pleasure of hearing Lisa speak to a group of survivors. In addition to avoiding products with soy, Lisa gave us some rules of thumb for managing our weight and reducing our risk of recurrence.

1. Be as lean as you can, within normal body weight, but not skinny.
2. Be physically active every day, walk 30 minutes, six days a week.
3. Limit sugar, processed foods and fast foods.
4. Eat a diet primarily of plant origin, including berries, nuts and seeds.
5. Limit red meat and processed meats.
6. Limit alcohol consumption.

The issues surrounding breast cancer and estrogen are complex indeed. Now that half of all medical students are women, hopefully more attention will be paid to the cause and effects surrounding women’s health issues. In the meantime, do your best to control your weight, exercise regularly and avoid soy. You may also want to get one of those bumper stickers that warns people, “I’m out of estrogen, and I have a gun.”



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Sunday, January 10, 2010



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Sunday, January 03, 2010


From the second we hear “you have breast cancer,” we begin talking in terms of what stage cancer we have. Stages are assigned according to size of primary tumor, lymph node involvement and whether or not your cancer has spread but, what if we consider another stage? Stage Now? “Having a life” as opposed to “having cancer.”

Too many of us let our survival mindset be determined by the stage of our cancer, even though many of us know of cases that prove ‘stage’ is not always an accurate predictor of survival. Take Lance Armstrong who in 1996, was diagnosed with Stage IV testicular cancer that had spread to his lungs, abdomen and brain. His doctors gave him less than a 3 percent chance of survival, and we all know chapter and verse of that story! If Lance Armstrong had embraced the odds his doctor’s had given him, it is quite possible he would not have survived.

Instead Lance Armstrong went through the ravaging treatment protocols prescribed by his doctors, and three years later not only won perhaps the most grueling sporting event in the world—the Tour de France—but beat his nearest competitor by 7 minutes, 37 seconds. Now that’s somebody with Stage Now! He has a life to lead, bikes to ride, new and different goals to accomplish. Not only did he refuse to become a statistic, his victory has led the way for all who come after him to strive and survive. His life is one of courage and determination and as his mother says, “make every obstacle an opportunity.”

And so my sisters, YOU are in Stage Now. What are you going to do with it? Are you going to sit in fear of death (we all do that from time to time) or are you going to live the best lives you can?

I challenge you to make a list of the things you’ve always wanted to do but were afraid to try, or were going to do “someday.” Parasailing, learning to play the guitar, apologizing to someone you’ve wronged, learning to dance, visiting another country. Make a list and do them, one by one. You’ve already done the hard part. If you can go through breast cancer, you can do anything!


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Monday, December 28, 2009

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The best gift I got for Christmas was a famous chef’s secret recipe for crab cakes. Whenever I am in that part of the country I visit his restaurant and order crab cakes, and if he’s there, try every trick in the book to get him to share his recipe. Recently my friend Joan, who is a regular and has a lot more influence than I do, managed to get it for me.

The "secret" recipe was hand written on a small card and wrapped inside a dish towel with a run-of-the-mill crab cake recipe printed on the front. I was so excited you would have thought she had given me the secret to the universe or the cure for cancer. Funny how a small thing like a recipe can feel like such a big deal.

Joan's gift made me want to give a gift to each of you—the gift of survivorship—a recipe that helped me get through breast cancer treatment. It includes ingredients even the best doctors sometimes fail to mention to their patients. Label this Brenda’s recipe for “How to Survive Breast Cancer Treatment.”

• One heaping dose of faith
• Combine with a second opinion if desired.
• Get BRCA1 and BRCA2 genetic test. Add results to existing mix.
• Take written list of questions to every doctor’s appointment. Write/record all answers, or take someone who will do that for you. Keep asking until you understand. Allow to settle until more questions form. Repeat and repeat until treatment is over… and beyond.
• Fill all prescriptions with the same pharmacy. When ready to take medications, write down time taken and time next ones are due.
• Eat lightly after each chemo. Take anti-nausea meds even if not needed.
• Remove white flour, rice, pasta, sugar, soft drinks and alcohol. Replace with whole grains, fresh fruits, veges, 1000 IU Vitamin D and drink lots of water.
• Reduce fear and worry to manageable. Find a support group. Go often.
• Stop cutting cuticles, flossing teeth, brush teeth gently, and stay out of crowds until chemo is over. Add laxatives for 3 or 4 days immediately after each chemo. Add eye drops and moisturizer when needed. If skin or gums break, disinfect immediately.
• Check temperature often. If over 100.5 degrees, have problem breathing, frequency or burning when urinating, bleeding or bruising, call your doctor.
• Slather generously with paraben free sunblock, then sit in sun daily for 15 minutes.
• Add generous helping of sense of humor to chemo brain. Top with no energy.
• Listen to your “little voice.”
• Season liberally with meditation and/or hypnosis. Add a generous portion of daily exercise.
• Meanwhile, do not make major decisions until treatment is done.
• Give yourself enough time to recover, and do not overdo.
• Sprinkle with more faith and be grateful for the rest of your life.

Serve with love, courage, patience, determination and all God's blessings.



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Monday, December 21, 2009

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Did you know that almost twenty-five percent of husbands leave their wives after they are diagnosed with breast cancer? Statistics say many of those marriages are in trouble to begin with, although when roles are reversed, only three percent of women leave their husbands. It makes me wonder what part of “in sickness and in health” do men not remember?

I know of a man who left his wife after her diagnosis. Not only did he abandon her, he left their 10-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter to become their mother’s primary caregivers. What kind of man does that? What kind of message is he sending his son? Another breast cancer husband I know was so unsympathetic during his wife’s chemotherapy he actually told her to take an aspirin and “snap out of it.”

OK, so most men were not raised to be caregivers, or they want their wives, girlfriends and mothers to take care of them. In addition they may be afraid of acknowledging their mortality and yours, and they may be afraid of how breast cancer will affect their sex lives. Notice I said “their” sex lives.

Most little boys dream of becoming heroes: men who pull people from burning buildings or save a buddy in a war zone. For most of us heroes are ordinary people who step-up in times of crisis and do what is right for their family. As breast cancer caregivers, men do not have to wade through smoke and fire or dodge enemy bullets. This is, however, an opportunity for them to become a hero; to help not just a stranger in need, but the one person they have pledged before God to be responsible for until death do them part—their wife.

Men… you want to be a hero? Then realize this is not about you. It is about getting your wife and family through this crisis with love, support and optimism. If they cannot rely on you who can? Do not become one of those statistics who leaves their wife and thinks they can find another woman and become her hero because you cannot. It is not in you. And if it sounds like I am being hard on some of you… get over it.

I believe most husbands are good at showing and telling their wives how special they are; how much they are appreciated and loved. Caring for her while she has breast cancer is a chance to show your love in ways she and your family will never forget. You are the intangible support that boosts her immune system, gives her hope and helps her make it from one day to the next. In some cases you may make the literal difference between life and death.

No one is saying this will be easy, but you will have given your family and those around you a role model they will respect and carry with them forever. Your towering legacy of strength, whether you feel strong or not, will show them how to cope with other tough times they will surely face. You will be a hero. An angel without wings.



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Monday, December 14, 2009

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Sometimes I need someone to talk me in off the ledge. You know, those situations where you are convinced a simple medical procedure will turn up something fatal. At my house we call that something "elbow cancer." That’s when I ignore all known and relevant information and choose to believe an ingrown toenail is proof I have elbow cancer.

I can get so far down that road I begin to think about possible candidates to be James’s next wife, or that we shouldn’t build a new house because if I “go” before James, he would rather live on the ranch in the Little House as opposed to living there in a big new house with the Little House as the guest casita, because if he were there alone, he would rather live in the Little House but instead would sell the whole thing and start over somewhere else with something smaller. Did I lose you? This is an example of needing someone to talk me in off the ledge and help me see things from a different perspective. By the way, I only do this when it comes to my own health issues. Tell me Mars is on a collision course with Earth or the new girl in marketing promised to deliver 1,000 widgets a month when we can only produce 100, and I will calmly assimilate the data and find a way to fix it.

All of us can get so personally involved that for whatever reason, we can’t find our way out of the maze and need to have someone point it out. For me that person is James. He helps me reconnect the dots and get back on track and for him that person is me. While we are quite capable of being captains of our own ships, we are not afraid to step aside and let the other take the wheel when we need a hand.

Successful people are frequently successful because they see things the way they are, not the way they would like them to be, or the way they used to be, but the way things really are.  Successful people then base their decisions on that reality, not the one hanging off the ledge. When I don’t have elbow cancer, I like to think I am a successful glass half full person who knows how to look at the big picture.

In other words sometimes you’re the bug and sometimes you’re the windshield. Today you may be the one who needs to be rescued from the ledge, and the next day you may be the rescuer.



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Monday, December 07, 2009

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Twenty years ago a friend designed a great startup screen for my computer. He brandished “Ramborella” across a hot pink background like something out of a female version of Indiana Jones. When I asked him what it meant, he said I was part Rambo and part Barbarella—adventurous and sexy—a nod to my days as the first journalist to drive and fire the Army’s M-1 tank, land on an aircraft carrier, descend in a nuclear submarine and nearly succumb as one of the “desaparecidos,” the thousands who went missing every year at the hands of the Honduran military commandos. Although I no longer look like Barbarella, I am still Ramborella at heart. Except now I am a breast cancer survivor, and as a survivor my mission is to keep on living and to lead the charge.  Like me, each one of you is Ramborella, breast cancer warrior.

While cameras and computers are still the tools of my trade, my interests have changed. Instead of sleek metal and rivets, I focus on plenty of sleep, whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, a low-fat diet, light on the red meat, alcohol and sugar, plus plenty of Vitamin D, estrogen-blockers and exercise. The biggest guns in my war against breast cancer are my faith in God, a loving husband, a sense of humor and steely determination.

Like me, your mission is to keep on living, so let’s make a pact, you and I: Whenever we are tempted to hole up like a big old bear and do nothing but eat Oreos and ice cream and forgo that brisk walk, let’s remember Rambo did not survive by taking the easy way out. He fought until he was drained of strength, then got up and charged again. Perhaps Ramborella survived the jungles of Honduras to stand tall in this fight against breast cancer.

Emily Dickinson said “That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.” Seize it with both hands. Whether you know it or not, you are empowered with an innate strength and courage. You have lives to lead, children to nurture, husbands to love and sunsets to watch. Gather your courage Ramborella and charge, charge again.



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Monday, November 30, 2009

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I have a friend who may lose her voice box to cancer this week. I know it has been hard for her to think about little else. Too many of us understand the stark terror a diagnosis of cancer can bring along with the inevitable questions like “who will I be without a voice box, without a breast?” The answers are not found in the initial stages of shock but in the contemplative times after the “why me?” and even “why not me?”

In those first terrifying days, maybe weeks, when you lay alone in the dark and wonder if you will be here this time next year, at some point you must rise up, take your mat and walk. Your body is not the same one you have counted on your whole life, but if you choose to move forward a new self will emerge. Like a butterfly freed from a crusted and discarded cocoon, your new self will realize it does not matter if you are missing a breast, or your voice. While you are no longer the same person externally, more importantly, you are not the same person internally.  Your heart and soul are hopefully on their way to becoming more pleasing in the eyes of God.

Should this terrible thing happen, I know my friend will find a way to accept it, and her voice will be heard in other ways. I believe God is molding her, softening some of her edges and strengthening others until she transcends her outer shell and becomes an even more extraordinary woman. She will find other ways to let her special qualities shine through, and she will give thanks for the strength and the courage and the grace God has given her.


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